Tuesday, 2 August 2011


They never tell you how hard it gets in college if you begin by slacking off. They never tell you how dangerous it is to think you have it easy for a while after those big fancy board exams. In fact, they don't tell you all the way until your final year when the Placement Cell has its first meeting and you realise it's highly unlikely you will get a job and even more unlikely that you will get admission to a post graduate college. You then realise that you made a grave mistake by ever thinking you had your bases covered and could take a break from the rat race for a few months. Because months turn to years and before you know it, everyone you know has over taken you. The thing about the rat race that you failed to recognise was that it really doesn't wait for you to take a water break. Hell, it wouldn't even wait for you if you'd broken a knee and needed an ambulance.

So here you are, slowly and steadily, without ever noticing it shifting into last place from some long lost lead you once had. It makes you bitter. Mostly, it makes you angry at yourself for never having tried harder, for never having paid attention in the beginning when you had a chance to change it. Here you are, hoping some miracle eagle is going to swoop down and pick you up and put you back where you used to be. But of course, that's the stuff for day dreamers.

It's frightening, this feeling of nothingness that comes when you think of your future. So what do you do? Two choices, really. Ignore, or acknowledge. Of course, the easiest thing would be to ignore. It's what you've done for the past few years so you have some practice. It makes all those sinking dreary feelings go away. The problem is, if you close your eyes when you're driving, you are bound to go crashing into something sooner or later. Acknowledge? That feels like staring down the parapet of a fifty storey building. All those success stories you hear of alumni making waves all over the country seem alien. You feel out of place, and often threatened by your peers. And still, there is some inkling of self confidence that raises its head shyly when you are alone.

Go for it, fool. With your substandard marks, apply to every job you possibly can. With your average academic record, write every entrance exam you can possible attempt. Read about colleges and companies. One of them will take you in, don't you worry. But you have to start and fuel that chain of events. Most importantly, close your eyes to the world. They don't know you, and you don't need to prove yourself to them. 


  1. I guess college does that you...

    I agree to this 40%....

    After all it is college...

    Change is around every corner...

  2. wow, that was really inspiring mari, especially since i'd been going through this, but i'd somehow, and very predictably, chosen to ignore. now i guess i should give myself a really good shake, and acknowledge...hope i'm not too late.

    1. Mili,

      :) Why haven't you written in so long? I miss reading your blog.