Tuesday 21 February 2012

The Loss of Pride

In my worried head
I planned a gentle discussion.
I made it a point
Not to be bossy.
I know you hate that.

I said, "can you" instead of  "won't you"
"Try to" instead of "I want you to".
I heard my quietness.
My pride, bleeding
On the floor.

You enjoy the power
My weakness
Gives you.
As I try to hide
Behind stubborn eyes.

NO.
I don't ask you again.
You shan't reconsider.
Breath punched out of my lungs
I'm sorry you said, "No."



Vented by at
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14 comments:

  1. Pakistani Teenager22 February 2012 at 11:11

    This is marvellous! I loved it from the first word till the end. Beautifully expressed :)

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    1. Unknown23 February 2012 at 04:48

      Thank you Rosette Princess. Do come back soon!

      Delete
  2. ✿Sie✿23 February 2012 at 03:58

    you enjoy the power my weakness gives you..I have seen these when I was flooded with tears when my ex husband abused me and my kids physically..

    nicely penned Marita and full of emotions..love reading each word ;)

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    Replies
    1. Unknown23 February 2012 at 04:49

      Sie,

      I hope you've grown stronger since then. I can't imagine what a journey it would have been. Loved your blog too! I hope to see you back here, soon. :)

      Delete
  3. umashankar23 February 2012 at 06:07

    I try not to write poems. Then there are situations you can't write anything but poems. You did well enough!

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    1. Unknown23 February 2012 at 22:04

      umashankar,

      I agree. For me, those times come very often. Thank you for visitng. :)

      Delete
  4. Jae Rose23 February 2012 at 11:31

    Many things can be beaten out of you..perhaps words..written if not spoken..help gift us back our dignity..well written Marita..Jae

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    1. Unknown23 February 2012 at 22:05

      Jae,

      Thank you for coming back yet again. It's fantastic to have you around. And yes, words are truly a refuge for some of us.

      Delete
  5. Santanu Sinha Chaudhuri24 February 2012 at 22:26

    Poetry can be defined in many ways. One of them might be: If complete strangers can share your very personal feeling and consider it their own, you would have created poetry. You have indeed done so, Marita, congratulations. I am becoming a fan of yours.

    I read this yesterday in a book by George Orwell. Maybe, it is relevant to what you have written. "One of the effects of safe and civilized life is an immense oversensitiveness which makes all the primary emotions seem somewhat disgusting." [Homage to Catalonia]

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    1. Unknown24 February 2012 at 23:35

      Santanu,

      I am honoured that you like my writing and grateful that you come back often. Thank you for that. Poetry could be anything, in my opinion. But as you said, it is good poetry when it leaves its fingerprints on the reader.

      I liked the quote, too. :)

      Delete
  6. A Homemaker's Utopia29 February 2012 at 19:51

    Very touchy..:-)I believe every woman may have gone through this stage atleast once in her life time..:-)..Thanks for the very nice post..:-)

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    1. Unknown2 March 2012 at 03:39

      I think women are by nature more submissive than men, but then again, generalisations are always dangerous!

      Thanks for visiting!

      Delete
  7. Abhra Pal1 March 2012 at 08:49

    I have read two of your poems now and certainly liked this more. You are no doubt doing a good job but in my opinion you can do better. Good luck.

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    Replies
    1. Unknown2 March 2012 at 03:40

      Abhra,

      Thank you for the feedback. I'd really love to know how I can improve my writing. Any suggestions?

      Delete

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